Just a little free-write

I feel like I’m always trying so hard to keep it all together. Like a piece of paper with the edges burned…those burns are dark and they run deep. I’m torn and tattered. My heart has been slowly breaking in two for years.

It tears apart, slowly and painfully. Each string breaks on its own time- constantly aching.

I’d like to think I’m strong. I’d like to think that nothing bothers me. But in reality, everything is ripping me apart.

I think about running away a lot…not in the childish sense. I think about leaving town and starting a new life somewhere I don’t know a soul. To become someone else…even if just for a small while.

To slip into a world far away from the blows of reality. A world where I don’t have to think and I don’t have to feel. A world where I don’t have to pretend.

I should be happy right now. I shouldn’t feel broken.

But, I know why I do – You haunt me every day.

I remind myself often: You don’t break the people that you love. You shouldn’t make them feel small.

It’s amazing how much two hearts can change in such a short time.

I think about the better days a lot lately. The happiness of those memories makes me sad. I find myself wishing it could have been like that forever…just one long lifetime of butterflies and giggles.

At the end of the day, reality sucks. There’s just no other way to put it. We’re all on a constant loop of heartache. No one can avoid it and no one can escape it.

But I’ve been told, suffering almost always brings the sun. So, maybe we’re also on a constant loop of happiness… I think that’s how people survive this world.

Light tends to shine when we need it most.

I’ll be sitting here, waiting for mine.