Love yourself

Daily writing prompt

Describe something you learned in high school.

View all responses

High School was where I first learned to tune out what others think. This was of course after being pushed to the brink by a group of high school boys. They'd gag at me as I passed them in the hallways- "fat whale" "bitch," they'd say. At first I tried my best to ignore them. Letting their words in one ear and out the other. 

But, after a few weeks, the words started to burrow into my brain. They twisted my thoughts. I stood in the mirror disgusted with myself. You are fat. You are ugly. You are a whale. I told myself over and over until I fully believed it. I had brainwashed myself into seeing a beast in the mirror. One that did not actually exist. 

Weeks turned into months. The taunting more frequent. The voices in my own brain louder. They convinced me this was it. This was the way it was. There was no point. No future worth living. I was worthless. I spent months in the same routine- go to school, come home, in bed by 3pm. Not moving again until I was forced back to my hell- a maze of hallways and bullies. 

How many pills would it take? How high did you have to jump? What was the easiest way to stop the noise? Stop these tormentors in my mind? I researched, concocted a plan- I was done being nothing. 

I never did follow through with that plan. And to date, I am so thankful to my family for ensuring that I didn't. Instead, I stood in the mirror forcing myself to find the good things. Making myself say them out loud, rewiring my mess of a brain. Slowly realizing I was so much more than what those boys made me believe. Despair and self-doubt replaced with contentment and confidence.

 The bullying ended up being the best education I've ever received. It taught me that loving yourself...being proud of who you are is the most important thing in this life. Quite literally a life or death kind of lesson. And some days loving who I am is really hard. I don't wake up every day adoring what I see in the mirror. I don't cherish the life I live 24/7. But, I try my best to continue to brainwash myself every day into fully accepting and being content with what I see, who I am and the life I live. 

So, remember to love yourself. It could save your life one day.