Career plan? What is that?

Some people grow up knowing from the time they are 5 years old what they “want to be when they grow up.” I was always jealous of these kids. Especially as I grew older and realized that I still didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do. My passions just did not align with a typical career field. I remember being a senior in high school panicking. Everyone was choosing their paths and I was stuck in an absolute freeze state. My mind was flooded with worries- wonder if I picked the wrong thing, wonder if I hate it, wonder if I get stuck in a mundane office job for the next 60 years of my life… the thought was enough to gag.

But I did it. I was forced to choose my major. Something that made sense and transferred to the “real world” – Communication. I sat through classes doing the things, getting the degree. The only classes I enjoyed were my creative writing classes which I had scattered in throughout my college career. I graduated into a corporate job and quickly realized I was going to be miserable for the rest of my life. That transition from college to full-time career was so hard for me. So much harder than I had ever thought it was going to be. I mean adults did this all of the time. All of their lives…how bad could it be?

Pretty fucking bad…

I jumped a few jobs- chasing money instead of passions. Putting in overtime instead of working on my hobbies. I slowly lost who I was. I stopped writing. I stopped reading. I stopped exercising. It felt like all of the fuel I had was going towards corporations in which I was just a number. Advancing my career while promoting my depression. What a wild life…

And then… I got laid off. I remember seeing the meeting on my calendar. The panic rising in my body. Tears streaming down my face wondering how I would live without my $90,000 a year job. The job that mind you, I loathed with a passion. The first few days of my layoff were spent sulking around my apartment grieving the loss of money, the loss of my materialistic life. And then it was as if a switch flipped. I picked up my notebook and I wrote…and I wrote and I wrote and I WROTE. I spent a full day on my couch curled up with my pen and paper allowing my feelings to flow over the page.

That was the day a fire ignited in my system. All of these memories of my passion for writing came swarming back. I could not even fathom why I had ever put down the pen. This is what I do. This is what I’m good at. Why would I allow ANYTHING to ever take that away from me.

The trajectory of my life has changed drastically in the last few months. My plans to buy a house in August were put on hold, my car is broken and I don’t have the money to fix it right now, grocery prices continue to go up as the change in my pocket dwindles, I’ve started Door Dashing for the first time in my life at almost 32 years old. But, I am also writing. I am posting on my blog every single day. I started a TikTok, an Instagram- I’m putting myself out there. I’m sharing my passion with the world. And honestly, I have never been happier.

So right now, there is no career plan. I am looking for things that align with what I love. That might mean less money, weird hours and a less cushy life but, it also means alignment within myself, focusing on what makes me happy and utilizing the natural gifts I was given. Sometimes, we allow ourselves to be run over by society. We forget who we are, what we like and what truly matters in this little life.